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March 16th, 2006:

Freakin

This is the way I’m feeling lately.

(I found this license plate the other day at the National Wholesale Liquidator the other day when I was on my way trying to get stuff for the house.)

Of course I was freakin’ out, and it hit my mood perfectly.

Why freaking? Well, it’s just that lately, everything seems to be in a rush. We’ve owned the house for 5 months, but somehow we didn’t plan very well. Considering that we knew what half the rooms were basically going to look like, I think it would have been better (in always right hindsight) to you know, have made the plans, and done the research ahead of time. (What the shower would look like, what kind of shower heads are available, what the outside light will look like, which recessed lights to get, the tin ceiling style etc, how motion detectors work, the paint samples, etc, etc, etc)

Somehow, we squandered all of that time, and now I’m rushing around like mad going to stupid stores to see if they have something, anything, so that the electrician can finish his project, the plumber can finish their project, etc, etc, etc. And when I’m not doing that during the day, I’m driving Stephanie around at night so that WE can do that together again!

I suppose if I was a guy who liked shopping, this wouldn’t be a problem, but an opportunity. But I don’t really like shopping. And whether or not we have 4 inch baffle trim recessed lights, or 6 inch open trim recessed lights– I could mostly care less. But it falls on me to make the decisions, (because I’m the one who is on site managing the project) and if I make a decision that Stephanie doesn’t like (or thinks she might not like) then we have to have a bone-wrenching discussion about it and the various options.

The good news is that we ordered the tin ceiling, which includes a very special color tin for the powder room (in bright bright blue!) The powder room is going to be circus themed

I’m trying to be LESS Freakin’– but it’s hard because I don’t like not being in control of the process. And since I can’t do everything myself (in fact, I can do VERY little of it) I feel like a carnivore at a vegetarian feast– out of place, out of control, and a bit self-doubting. Ie… Freakin!

Things are proceeding though, and I’m sure part of it is I’m just being hard on myself for not being an expert. Being an idiot about stuff is no fun at all.