Turkey inadequacy

So here I am, the Saturday before Thanksgiving, expecting 10-12 guests in our house (including most of Adam’s immediate family and a nice repesentation from mine), and I haven’t started shopping. In fact, I only even started making the shopping list this morning, and while I was making my list decided to call Fairway to order a turkey. Because of course we don’t want to get caught without a turkey!

So I get on the phone with the turkey department (which is separate from the meat department, I learn when I try to also order a brisket a few minutes later – but briskets are always in stock and so no need to order, it turns out), and ask for a 16-lb turkey. So she says, “what kind of turkey?” And I’m thinking, “a turkey turkey?” Fortunately I don’t say anything quite that stupid – instead I say “um, I don’t know, what kinds of turkeys are there?” Then silence. The woman on the other end is completely dumbstuck by my question. Apparently everyone else in the world except me knows that there are different kinds of turkeys. She asks again, “what kind of turkey?” and I ask, “can you tell me about them?” Silence again. “Hold on.” Next a man gets on the phone and tells me about the four main types of turkeys they carry – basic Maple Crest, Murray’s farm-raised preservative-free, Grateful Harvest 100% organic, and kosher. He gives me a bit of detail about each and pricing and I tell him I want the Murray’s. “Oh no, m’am, let me give you back to her to order – I just wanted to educate you a little bit about these turkeys.” Well, then, now I’ve been educated! The woman gets back on the phone and asks how big the turkey should be – she says “do you want 8 by 10, 10 by 12, or 16 by 20″ – which I’m thinking is the dimensions of the turkey to fit in the pan. And I’ve got a 16” roasting pan….

Anyway, it turns out that was the poundage and with only slightly more difficulty I manage to order a 16-20 pound Murray’s turkey and it will be available to pickup on Tuesday. Which will be a most unpleasant day to be at Fairway. I’d better get most of the shopping done this weekend! Back to the shopping list.